NOT ALL communications are expressed in words. There are signals using body language, facial expressions, and even the absence of any response after a nagging request.
The non-use of words to communicate a message, as in sign language for the hearing impaired, has become accepted even among those with perfect speech and hearing.
We are already familiar with the routine use of signals, as in a noisy restaurant. When asking for the bill, an imaginary square is drawn in the air with two forefingers, or a signing motion is displayed with one hand. Requesting for the menu entails the opening of two palms joined together. The waiter understands this sign language very well. The same cannot be presumed when traveling abroad.
Even the absence of communication carries its own message.
The “avoidance waltz” is obvious to somebody paying attention. The accidental discovery of being in the same place (or social gathering) as one being avoided can be a choreographed set of movements. When X moves to the right, does Y discreetly move to the left? Here, anonymous crowds are used as screens the same way a three-point shooter uses blockers to get an open look.
Online communications have designated a special term for this avoidance game. “Ghosting” is a word that needed to be invented for the simple non-reaction to any pleas for forgiveness from a “blocked” friend or former partner.
Canceled meetings send their own signal. When regularly scheduled breakfast meetings are scrapped, it only means unscheduled ones have taken their place. When meetings are frequently postponed or canceled altogether, the negative message is clear.
What about an appointment that is hastily called, with no formal agenda? The rule on emergency meetings states: The more inconvenient the time and place for a meeting called by a superior, the higher the probability of bad news for the person summoned. Early breakfast in the suburbs is a bad sign.
Frequent non-notification for corporate events, especially those that do not require any attendance check, indicate removal from a VIP list. While these proceedings are not classified as meetings, they too have an invitation list which indicates who’s up or down, or who does not play golf.
Even meetings that take place as scheduled send non-verbal signals to watch out for. When a slide presentation is being made and the presenter is reading the slide word for word, the CEO in the meeting is not looking at his watch. He is sending and receiving phone messages with his eyes glued to the phone in his hand. Should the presenter hurry up? Online meetings can hide such impatience with the shutting down of the video.
Alertness to signals, and the hidden messages they convey, is required of any corporate player.
Still, there is the danger of reading too much between the lines so that even the most innocent actions are given conspiratorial overtones. What did he mean by “good morning” when I bumped into him at the elevator? Is he referring to just this morning? Does he mean I’m already getting in too late? Is he hinting that I haven’t heard of the WFH policy?
Words have literal meanings and interpreting their connotation too closely can lead to paranoia. Overreaction can be dangerous. What can be worse than being dismissed as “too insecure”? With this description is an implied absence of the ability to be discerning. Can simple greetings be put through torturous analysis for hidden messages?
In live sessions with media, sometimes called an “ambush” interview, signals need to be read carefully. Such encounters are often taped and then posted and reposted on the net for their meaning. Even simple answers followed by facial expressions of cluelessness can be exploited with media editing.
Even when communicating with words, there is a need to read between the lines, and how a message is being delivered. A rambling delivery on a serious question about the mission attached to an unexpected invasion that has disrupted the world economy may invite negative reactions. (Aren’t these nice curtains?)
There is still no substitute for words that are spoken clearly — “Read my lips: you’re out of here.” (Maybe, you were mistaken for somebody else?)
Tony Samson is chairman and CEO of TOUCH xda.
