MAYBE courtesy and the effort to be mild-mannered and gracious with colleagues and subordinates had been a liability in the past — He’s just too nice… he can’t crack the whip on the laggards.
Nasty Bosses (How to Deal with Them without Stooping to Their Level), a 2004 book by Jay Carter, dismisses the value of ferocity and meanness as necessary management attributes. A tough boss with his sarcastic remarks is no longer the model for a corporate leader.
A Ted Talk by Cristine Porath (2016) on “Mastering Civility” has also espoused the importance of civility in the workplace. The virtues of listening intently to subordinates and greeting colleagues in the corridor are being promoted. Having a softer voice and more encouraging comments (you did your best) are becoming the norm.
No longer is the superior known for his sarcasm when a presenter reads her slides (We can also read) considered fascinating. He is seen as merely dysfunctional at a meeting. (He must have bowel problems.)
Is civility in the workplace becoming the new norm?
Surveys on how employees feel about their company (and its leaders) contribute to a new metric called the “civility index.” This metric focuses on interpersonal behavior in the organization and what needs to be done to achieve a kinder and gentler corporate culture. (Is your boss supportive and encouraging, even when you make mistakes?)
One can tell a company’s civility level by observing the traits of its executives who emulate the CEO. Seldom does a mild-mannered and polite CEO surround himself with those who snarl at the executive lounge waiters who take too long to deliver their orders.
As for an organization of peers, like a legislative body or political party, the character traits tend to be disparate and individualistic. There is really no CEO to emulate, except perhaps the Chief Executive. The last one was a mean-spirited leader with late-night tirades addressed to anyone on his path. He encouraged a feisty culture even in his spokesman who emulated him with a perpetual snarl.
Parliamentary rules in the legislative bodies, aimed at upholding courtesy even in debates, seems incapable of reining in boorish behavior, like walkouts and even death threats addressed to its members. Politics has its own rules which tramples courtesy like a wet rag to wipe one’s dirty shoes off. Media attention and quotable bombs are the norm.
Civility in politics is a matter of convenience, as alliances tend to be temporary and driven by need.
The Economist once featured a discourse on the erosion of courtesy in the world. (This does not include terrorist attacks and invasions.) The magazine surmises that it is the spread of English with its informal approach and devaluation of endearments that has accelerated this decline of civility, in terms of honorifics and respectfulness. While Spanish, for instance, differentiates addressing an older person or stranger with “usted” versus the intimate and familiar “tu,” English only uses “you” to level the playing field. “Thou” in English is only used for commandments.
The national language even has more honorifics, like elder brother (kuya) and even distant relatives (Tita). The vernacular though is just as rich with expletives, which we will not have to list down here.
Is the informality of English as the global language further driven by online communications, also using English?
Social media, with its chat format, has dispensed with courtesy altogether, allowing young and old, experts and amateurs, celebrities and fans, to be equal. Everyone offers unsolicited advice on acceptable behavior — take his money and run. The removal of deference and distance from the chat culture has dispensed with the rituals of civility.
Revelations of past intimacies and the presentation of an undiscovered progeny of a dead celebrity can crowd out the debate on confidential funds.
Empathy is an ability to understand and consider how another person feels. This form of “fellow feeling” is the basis of civility. The concern for another person’s sensibilities precludes a brusque approach.
Even good news, like a promotion or salary increase, can be undermined as a motivator by how it is communicated — here, stop whining already. On the other hand, bad news, like a doctor’s diagnosis of a dreaded disease, is softened with compassion. Sometimes even false hopes (we’ll see if this approach will work) allow a person to graciously accept fate.
Civility makes one a more pleasant companion in life… specially on its short stops.
Tony Samson is chairman and CEO of TOUCH xda
