Incidences of road rages can be caught by passersby with their ubiquitous phone cameras to be posted in social media and eventually the news cycle. The unscripted confrontation, even without sound, can look brutal especially if the female aggressor is violent and the target of the attack is a befuddled old man. The viral video casts the villain of the piece quite clearly.
And in a slow news day, the incident lingers on with interviews and the wave of media ambushes of the aggressor’s home where the photographed car is parked. Can a reluctant apology be far behind — that was not the real me? (When not driving, I am naturally civil, and don’t curse and slap old people.)
Hotheads have a low tolerance for frustration or inconvenient irritants which quickly sets off anger ranging from mild irritation and sarcasm, to pique and violent rage. This can manifest itself in aggressive behavior like breaking side mirrors of taxis and slapping penitent faces. The trigger event need not be caused by a human error, as in the case of a waiter with the wrong order. It may be a traffic jam or delayed flight. It doesn’t seem to matter if rage can actually improve the situation. Usually, anger makes it worse, especially when the incident is recorded.
Clearly, such aggressive behavior is unacceptable in the workplace. Corporate legends are replete with tales of monumental tempers. It is not unusual for those who have worked long with a subordinate-beater to consider it a badge of honor to be the object of a temper tantrum. This distinction is even an occasion for bragging — does he flare up with people he doesn’t care for?
Irritability in high places can cause the declaration of an unintended policy pronouncement. The display of arrogance is routinely visited on media that report critical news. And the favorite dismissal of unfavorable coverage like a high-profile photo session is to make it an ordinary occasion not to be upset over (anybody can have her photo taken there). Often, criticism is simply dismissed as fake news.
Anger management is a psychological intervention mechanism to address short fuses. The patient is asked to take a deep breath, count to a hundred, and think funny thoughts devoid of sadistic images — like a taxi driver with a hula hoop. This self-distraction is supposed to defuse the building fury and calm down the angry beast.
Still, psychologists allow that some dissatisfaction over certain situations is healthy. Suppressing anger at all times can also be harmful and lead to cardiac arrest. Good mental health lies in aiming for reasonable assertiveness. The sense of frustration must lead to some form of constructive problem-solving. Can an advocacy be far behind?
Logic can defeat anger since it tries to isolate a problem and look for possible solutions. Criticism of your work, for instance, is not necessarily an attack on you as a person, even if it seems that way especially if it’s the same detractor doing it on a daily basis. While personality and likableness cannot easily be improved, an inferior report can be tweaked to address identified shortcomings — you need data to back this up.
Overseas Filipinos on short home visits need to rein in their dissatisfaction, say with traffic. Their threshold of displeasure has been considerably lowered by their being used to their first world milieu. When everything works back home, any inconvenience or disruption experienced in their local visit (like slow Wi-Fi or potholes) falls in the category of a minor disaster. Thus, these native foreigners are seen to be candidates for anger management drills. The stress of hosting such characters can strain the bonds of hospitality and reduce the host into an apology machine calming down his guests. (Just ignore the beggar knocking on your window, please.)
The passive acceptance of even the most outrageous situation, like the need for a security guard for every establishment, bewilders the foreigner. Why are we so docile in our unacceptable situation? Why do we not rant and rave as they do? Why are we even smiling at our situation?
Having a high tolerance for frustration is a defense mechanism for third world inhabitants. Getting angry each time reality is disconnected with pronouncements can be too stressful. The danger of extreme agreeableness is the acceptance of mediocrity as a natural state.
Now and then, even highly tolerant people need to be jolted out of their complacency and get angry… or at least disturbed.
A. R. Samson is chair and CEO of Touch DDB.
