EXPRESSING an opinion (or ranting against someone) requires checking who are part of the conversation. Unless the topic touches on neutral items like the weather and earthquake faults, it’s best to check who is in the audi-ence.
Controversial subjects attracting divergent opinions need to be sorted out. Caution must be doubly observed when exchanging posts online and in large Viber groups. The verbal thread can easily be forwarded even outside the intended group. (Did he really say I was a beneficiary of some public works projects?)
Touchy topics that provoke violent reactions are best avoided. Only in a debating stage with its own parliamentary rules and arbiters can two positions be allowed to be argued. Even here, the time for each speaker is limited by the rules.
Politics and religion are often off-limits as subjects for discussion. So too, are personal issues best left for the individual concerned to sort out, without unsolicited advice.
Personal subjects can cover money, like how much someone makes in his job or how heavily someone is in debt with her credit card. Other touchy topics are broken relationships, travel photos in luxurious surroundings posted on social media, and public support or condemnation of political figures.
In the corporate setting, there are some topics to avoid when chatting with other executives, including the CEO. Unless it is specifically in the agenda during a performance review, the matter of self-promotion and how much more one deserves to get (compared to somebody less worthy) is not a comfortable topic to bring up over coffee.
A bad parting of ways, especially for celebrities and public figures, is best handled by avoiding even a nod of recognition in the direction of the just recently estranged individuals. For sure, time heals all wounds. Maybe at some point, aging and dementia can allow some waving of recognition. A distant heart sign with the hands is handy for those who cannot run away fast enough to avoid an encounter.
Changing the topic in a conversation or discussion is a matter of convenience. There are anyway so many other things to talk about like the cost of sugar-free ice cream and the best pizza to be had in the neighborhood.
Skirting certain subjects also applies to friends and close associates. Maybe some misunderstanding in the past had caused some grief that was resolved in time. This episode is best left unmentioned. (So, how is your new electrical vehicle doing?)
Certain irritants accompanied by an elbow dig (You still have the hots for her, don’t you?) can come up at the most inopportune moment. Filling up the silence with anything that comes up in the mind can be risky.
Psychologists and counsellors may advise one to confront any subject head-on, rather than studiously avoiding discussing it at all. Reopening an already closed and fraught topic can only lead to reliving a traumatic moment, leading to raised voices and name-calling. (Can we change the topic?)
As in Pandora’s box — which was really a jar — opening a topic already closed by mutual consent can only release evils that cannot be controlled. In this mythical case of Pandora, out of the jar came rage, pain, and vengeance. Pandora’s opened box held back the last item at the bottom which was hope.
Once identified, topics that can cause pain and anxiety are best left unsaid. Changing the subject may be merely deferring the inevitable. Some clueless third party may join a conversation and express an observation — I no-tice you’ve been avoiding that subject the whole time. What’s the latest on that one?
Safe topics seldom involve beliefs and convictions. A biographical movie can seldom elicit rage, except perhaps from a descendant of the subject being portrayed. And here, the public fracas may even attract moviegoers to check what the fuss is all about. Is it worth a debate?
How refreshing then to have a close conversational group where no topic is taboo. One can bring up any subject without fear of provoking uneasiness or even reprisal. Even in such an intimate circle, there can occasionally arise a short silence at the mention of a subject. The conversation can still pick up again… shortly before it’s time to head for the door.
Tony Samson is chairman and CEO of TOUCH xdaar.samson@yahoo.com
