We all have been subjected to a lifetime of social conditioning — on appearances and behavior. We may feel or think that we must live up to a certain “standard” (dictated by an “authority”) to be acceptable.
The social pressure is there — the look, the style, fashion, weight, job, status, car, bonus, home, partner, children. Reinforced by media and social media, people strive to appear perfect. Accumulating, having, owning the newest, the best, the “in” things to attain a certain “high status.”
Consumerism is an attitude, a mindset that starts easily but is hard to control.
It takes maturity to realize and accept reality — that one is not perfect and cannot have everything. Others will not always like, appreciate, or approve of whatever you do.
One must take a long close look in the mirror.
After truthful introspection, one realizes that it is time to stop hoping and waiting for something or someone to change. Happiness, safety, and security will not appear magically on the horizon. There are no fairy tale endings (or beginnings for that matter). The guarantee of “happily ever after” from an external source is a myth. Being happy begins within oneself.
A wise counselor said that “one must take the reality of today rather than hold out for the promise of tomorrow.”
Awakening happens after a long process of sifting through ideas and “doctrines.”
Doctrines are old habits, notions and ways of thinking and doing that we have to unlearn. We must discard those that are no longer relevant.
It takes time to discover the values of creating, giving, contributing, and sharing.
(We should not be influenced too much by what others say.) Only the essential values should be kept.
There is joy in giving rather than accumulating. Contentment comes from creating and contributing.
The lesson here is gratitude for all the blessings, big and small. Millions of people are deprived and wish they could have what we take for granted. Among them — a home, food in the refrigerator, clean running water, medicines. We have the freedom of choice, peace, and the opportunity to pursue our dreams.
Loving and caring for the self means avoiding self-destructive behavior and dysfunctional relationships.
We need a balanced lifestyle and diet with regular exercise. Fatigue and stress drain the spirit. The body and mind need rest. Laughter is good for one’s health. One needs time to play and relax.
We learn, over the years, about love and relationships on different levels.
How to lose and how much to give. When to stop giving and when to walk away.
We get hurt by insincere users, fair weather “friends” who are not reliable. Toxic people and situations should be avoided, minimized.
Then we must control the Ego, acknowledge and diffuse negative emotions like anger, jealousy, envy, resentment.
Humility is a virtue we should cultivate. We should be able to say, “I was wrong.”
In the same manner we should forgive people, build bridges, and remove walls. Communication is best for enhancing relationships. See people as they are and not project qualities that are not there. Learn to set boundaries and know when to say “No.”
We need to distinguish between guilt and responsibility.
Real love is given freely without conditions and limitations.
One should stop looking for guarantees. Change happens slowly or suddenly.
When one knows how to conquer fear and deal with the unexpected, it is possible to move forward.
Solitude is not the same as being lonely. It is a real discovery — to spend time with oneself and to like it. This attitude leads to a deepening spirituality and growth.
Maria Victoria Rufino is an artist, writer and businesswoman. She is president and executive producer of Maverick Productions.
