At the brink

A silvery dawn breaks over the sleeping city wrapped in a blanket of smog and acrid fumes. The smoky aftermath of the long holiday celebrations makes one frazzled, dizzy, and disoriented.

A chapter has ended.

One recalls the milestones — with mixed feelings. It had been one long roller coaster ride of sudden curves, climbs, and heart-stopping heartbreaks.

At the brink of a new year, one asks relevant questions?

What shall I discard from my life? What shall I retain?

What meaningful resolutions shall make a difference for me and others?

Genuine happiness is found within the heart. Not in the contrived merry making and fancy trappings of gilt and glamour.

Reflecting on the past year, one feels a tinge of nostalgia and the pang of regret for what could have been. Somewhere lost in the debris was last year’s list of some unfulfilled resolutions and wishes.

The promise of tomorrow seems to have vanished with the wind.

If only we could have a magic slate to erase the flaws.

The good intentions and goals have, as usual, been inadvertently or conveniently forgotten.

It is good to count our blessings.

How does one survive these challenging times?

Allow nature to take its course. Things happen for a reason.

Life is always interesting and beautiful with its pains and triumphs.

There can never be perfection. One should aim for balance and to be the best one could possibly be.

What matters most is how we wisely invest our time, talents, and resources to help others. We should not waste ourselves in trivial concerns and superficial wants.

We should try our best, take some risks and try to be the best.

There are challenging periods that compel us to make hard decisions. At the crossroads, the choices are perplexing. The obstacles may seem overwhelming. There is too much to juggle, too much to unravel and untangle. We see many mismatched jigsaw pieces to take apart and to fit together again. The big picture is unclear. Would it ever make sense?

This feeling of uncertainty, anxiety, and imbalance would explain, to a certain extent, what many young people are undergoing.

A crisis triggers a cathartic change. The core is in a temporary whirling, burning pattern. It is intimidating, confusing, anxiety-provoking, painful and heartbreaking.

“When we are in transition, depending on how serious the breakdown is, we may feel as though almost every aspect of life has been disrupted.

The old certainties, the old habits and comfort zones, have been dive-bombed. The old home, the old job, and the old ‘me,’ may be almost gone,” psychologist Margaret Silf explained. “What is that essential core of who I am that remains through all this upheaval?” This is an important question, because it is this remnant that will be the starter for the new stage of our growth.

“The thing about this remnant, this core of being, is that we often don’t discover it until the force of change has stripped away the outer layers of past certainties and securities,” she emphasized.

For example, the seeds of eucalyptus trees would not be able to germinate until the time when they are exposed to the intense, searing heat such as that of a forest fire, for cleansing. When the shallow surface layers of the self are peeled and stripped away, it is possible for the deeper part of oneself to emerge and be activated.

Sifting and wading through the many layers and untying the interlocked patterns of heavy baggage take focused will power and time. It does not happen quickly. What needs to be purged is the hard, crusty shell of toxic barnacles that have accumulated over the years.

This stripping process is about the essential elements of survival, growth, and transformation.

The new individual that comes out through the blast of change would be different. He/she would have “…deeper layers of personal potential exposed and invited to grow and flourish.”

It is during disasters that one may discover surprise skills and strengths that are hidden within. They are summoned by the individual who is learning how to cope and to manage an extraordinary situation. Among these qualities are resilience, patience, ingenuity, compassion, and the much needed empathy with others who going through similar upheavals.

Most people have to struggle and go through the fire of transformation alone. A few individuals may be fortunate enough to find a guru or a wise spiritual guide.

In the final analysis, beyond the extraordinary skills, social scientists say that one needs a sense of humor — to laugh through the tears and the pain. One can have hope and see a glimpse of the ephemeral rainbow — the promise after the storm.

My the new year bring compassion, peace, and prosperity to all!

Maria Victoria Rufino is an artist, writer and businesswoman. She is president and executive producer of Maverick Productions.

mavrufino@gmail.com