By Raju Mandhyan
IN MY last article I wrote about the importance of learning to learn. Yes, nothing in life helps us evolve better than learning to learn. And, one of the fundamentals of learning to learn is being innately curious about things and then using questions and the process of inquiry to satiate that curiosity.
I am a life-long proponent of asking questions. I believe questions, the right questions, are the answer to everything — to growth, to development, and for human betterment.
Yet, besides knowing the difference between closed or open questions and besides knowing how to use the five “W’s” and that one “H” well, how in heaven’s name do you position your questions to heal rather than cut?
In the movie, Finding Forrester, based on a book by James W. Ellison, William Forrester is a successful author of a literary piece of work called Avalon Landing. The success of Avalon Landing brings him a lot of media attention. Shy by nature, he turns inwards away from the limelight. He begins living the life of a recluse, holed up in a tiny apartment in the Bronx, New York. There he spends his time reading, writing, reflecting, and washing his windows. While doing these, Mr. Forrester would get entranced every now and then by a game of basketball played on the neighbourhood streets by African-American kids.
One day, the ball they were playing with landed in his room through an open window. One of the boys came up to get the ball. The boy, Jamal, hailed from a simple family but had been lucky enough to get a scholarship in a good school. As he walked away after retrieving the basketball from William Forrester, he happened to forget his little backpack by the author’s door.
Hours later, the author noticed the backpack and as he carried it in, a large bunch of handwritten notes fell out from it. Out of curiosity, William Forrester began to read. He found the essays engrossing and unconsciously began to scribble comments and editorial notes on the papers. The next day Jamal picked up his bag and noticed the comments and suggestions by the recluse author. Soon the simple but talented boy and the ageing author became good friends, spending time in the author’s apartment, talking and writing about school and life.
One day, over a cup of soup Jamal asked the author for the recipe so he could prepare the same soup for his mother and brother. Forrester happily shared the secret recipe with the young boy.
Weeks later, while discussing Jamal’s writing submissions at school, the African- American boy asked the author, “Say, how come you live alone up here and have no wife or anyone else?” This infuriated Forrester, and in a rage he told Jamal to get out. An apologetic Jamal voiced his surprise and confusion. “Why does it upset you? What is the issue? Man, all I asked is how come you live alone and have no wife?”
Forrester cooled down and responded, “A few weeks ago you asked me how to make a good cup of soup and that was a good question. It was a question that had a purpose, preparing soup for your mother. Your question today serves no purpose other than being intrusive.” Jamal realized his error and stayed silent upon hearing the truth.
From the story, we learn that every time we form a question we must first run it through the filters of our own mind. We must ask ourselves the same questions Mr. Forrester and Socrates asked.
Questions like:
• Will the question bring out useful facts?
• Will the question draw answers that benefit my customer?
• Will the question evoke answers that will help me help the client?
• Will the question take our business and partnership further?
• Are the questions well thought out to get answers that stir up new thought and actions?
And the most important question we need to ask ourselves before articulating our inquiries is:
• Are we making any unqualified, unverified assumptions about our client’s mindset, his intentions, and his character?
Running your questions through your mind prior to voicing them out will filter and clarify your intentions and result in strong, purpose-driven questions like Jamal’s soup question.
This specific awareness on how to direct and focus your questions such that they heal more than they cut makes them purpose-driven and evolutionary. Asking the right questions at the right time will place us all miles ahead in our dreams and desires to live out a purpose-driven life and generate values that are co-created.
Raju Mandhyan author, coach and learning facilitator.
