Beyond Brushstrokes
By Maria Victoria Rufino
“In the middle of life’s road
I found myself in a dark woods —
The straight way ahead lost.”
— A translation of a verse from
La Divina Commedia by Dante Alighieri
Every individual goes through three stages of evolution.
The whole movement of the first journey consists of passing from birth, childhood to adolescence and adulthood. It is the process of growing up. A child takes a first step to independence as part of the natural process of growth.
One goes through the challenges and crises in two decades to attain emotional stability and a provisional identity. This is the phase of the “grand tour” wherein young adults take permanent jobs, get married, start families, or get ordained and take final vows. Many adults choose to focus on their careers and remain single and independent.
This is only the beginning and leads to adventures as an adult.
One takes the external physical trip to new places, to savor new sensations. The first boast, train, and plane rides are rituals. The fascinating travel experiences are woven into a personal tapestry of memorable sights, sounds, and feelings.
The possible exceptions would be the jaded, weather-beaten businessmen and airline crew who rush from airports to station through time zones. To them, the whirl of constant motion dissolves the flavors and essence of a country and in its people into a blur.
On a higher level, a voyage is therapeutic. From a detached distance, the perspective is different. One can resolve a problem without being weighed down by the clutter of superfluous details.
The second journey of midlife is subtle and significant. It occurs on a spiritual and psychological plane. At middle age (35 to 55), one embarks of an inner searching for the self.
This journey to wisdom and grace starts with a milestone: a sudden illness, a long trip, a new job, a new home, marriage; or the crisis of separation, divorce, the death of a close friend or a family member, the loss of a job, early retirement to shift to another career.
The sudden change jolts the individual into rethinking and analyzing his place in the scheme of things.
At the crossroads, one is forced to reflect and to qualify, to take risks, to innovate and expand.
Father Gerald O’Collins of the Gregorian University in Rome has described the second journey as an anxious, depressing trip to seeming “meaninglessness.”
The journey-crisis “in the afternoon of life” can be compared to the ancient journeys of the Odyssey and the Aeneid wherein the heroes were driven from their familiar environment. They were forced to attempt new projects and to travel strange roads.
“We must seek to understand our lives at depth. We can try to push away ultimate question about the meaning of it. But to try to remove the mystery of human existence at one point is to find it coming back to another,” Father O’Collins wrote.
The third journey happens in old age. When one makes other significant milestones; retirement, death of a spouse and living with one’s married son or daughter. This phase is difficult especially the loss of income and financial independence.
Like the first phase, this journey can be predicted. Millions of people experience similar predicaments throughout the world.
In contrast, the second phase is unpredictable and unique. One is caught unprepared and thus feels disoriented, confused. It is a time of turmoil and anxiety, uncertainty and imbalance.
Leaving one’s normal role, the individual feels compelled to take major risks and to experiment with life.
It is the second adolescence. At this midpoint, one experiences an emotional-spiritual crisis in career and/or marriage.
The individual tries to recapture lost youth, trying new risky sports, and lapsing into extramarital dangerous liaisons. Some men would eventually reform and reconcile with their families. Others make a final break with the past and acquire a trophy wife, a new toy-sports car, motorcycle or move into a new home or relocate to a new city or country.
There have been many cases of successful professionals quitting their 25-year-old careers to start all over again in completely new jobs.
There have been many 40 plus individuals who have quit both their jobs and their spouses to explore new horizons.
The collective price of change may be very high — emotionally and financially — for these brave (and sometimes fool-hardy) individuals.
The statistics of successes and failures in this test of endurance have staggering over the decades.
Beating the odds and hurdling major trials during middle age are new lessons. Not many are equipped to handle the new learning process.
After intelligent and sensitive soul searching, the storm (which may last several years) passes. One regains a sense of balance and harmony.
The second journey is truly a time of reflections and revelation.
The manifold rewards are meaningful: self-acceptance, peace of mind and heart, maturity — and many more years of productive living.
There is freedom to discover new vistas and to expand the human spirit.
Maria Victoria Rufino is an artist, writer and businesswoman. She is president and executive producer of Maverick Productions.
