Role playing

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GENDER ROLES can be a touchy topic. Are they culturally based? Is the assignment of tasks and values determined by social norms and traditions that differ from one culture to another? Or one couple to another, even in the same culture?

Political correctness has brought risks to those proffering opinions about gender roles. Even partnerships are being redefined and no longer limited to the traditional roles of men and women. (Let’s stop there.)

A fight with women regarding male opinions, especially when perceived as chauvinistic rubbish, is impossible to win. In designating roles for women and men, we offer these personal observations. Note that this is an individual person’s view which may not be shared by others. (Let me concede here right away.)

Here are some observations of roles being assigned.

When waiting for a table in an extremely popular restaurant, it is the female who is expected to talk to the receptionist to check the assigned number in the waiting line. Her man goes over the menu and makes the selection, as now and then he nudges his female partner to check if the waiting line has moved.

This queueing assignment involves making sure that no other group jumps the line. (Hey, can you check if that party smirking and looking around furtively came ahead of us?) Are there separate queueing rules for seniors?

Both men and women do groceries. They may go to different sections. Men sometimes just make a list of what they need. (Don’t forget my chocolate chip cookies.)

Men pay the credit card bills for joint accounts used for household expenses and impulse buying of sneakers.

Searching for missing socks, receipts, legal documents (except the will), contact number of the dentist is delegated to the keeper of the files, usually the woman of the house who is more organized. There will always be misplaced items. There’s the option to check the safe deposit box at the bank. (I now know how Hemingway felt when his manuscript was inadvertently left behind and lost.)

Cleaning up the clutter is theoretically a joint operation. Still, the clutter maker with unworn swimming trunks, goggles, and now too-tight sneakers is usually the man who is more prone to impulse shopping — why do you need another leather jacket?

Even when they don’t cook, women still plan the menu. It is the prerogative of the male to give food reviews of what is served. Dietary restrictions are jointly considered. Against the commonsense suggestion that he should specify what he wants for dinner before going off to work, the male can be responsive. (I’m okay with pig’s knuckles with bratwurst.)

Making travel arrangements, especially if these involve the use of frequent flyer credits and booking airline tickets and hotel reservations online are a woman’s work. (She has the passports.) This does not preclude the male from giving suggestions on the itinerary — get a hotel near a mall.

Men have taken on the chore of buying books, jackets, and hats. Anyway, books are now bought online without a physical copy that will just add to the clutter of what used to be called the library in the architectural drawing.

With the two-paycheck family becoming the norm, the female can combine earning power with household chores. The designation of “Dual Income, No Kids Yet” (Referred to as DINKY) has different role assignments for finances.

We see a time, not too far off, when in the case of our crowded restaurant above; it may still be the female having her party listed in the waiting line. But now it may be the male who heckles the receptionist for the vacated table he is protecting from an aggressive senior female interloper jumping the line.

The roles described here present one man’s point of view.

With variations in partnerships including blended families and empty nests, role-playing can be confusing. And the acceptance of assigned roles may no longer be prescribed. Partnerships too have been transformed by varying gender mixes, and even surgeries.

Will traditional roles become obsolete? The male as hunter-gatherer, with the female staying home with the children, may already be passe. Anyway, roles are no longer fixed. It’s back to every man (or woman) for himself (or herself). Loud noises from arguments are sure to follow.