No more coddling

THERE’S ALWAYS a search for the best way to motivate people in the workplace. Is constant praise from the boss accompanied by the encouragement of peers and subordinates still in vogue? (You look good with the butterfly tattoos on your neck, Jack.)

Does the coddling approach really work in achieving corporate goals? Or do compliments just encourage mediocrity and a false sense of complacency that everything is just fine, even in a crisis?

Whether coddling (You have a unique talent we need to tap) or toughness (Read my lips — you’re out of here) defines a corporate culture, success is still measured in the resulting numbers of market share, revenue, and net profits.

Is a tough management style applicable even in the home? A parenting book in 2011 dismissed the almost obsessive quest for self-esteem in children (Oh you spilled milk on the sofa, Dear…nice creamy color). Instead, the school of tough love promotes a drill sergeant’s tactics to build a child’s competitiveness — don’t shame me with your silly silver medal. (I must disclose here that I have yet to read Amy Chua’s The Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother).

It is not easy to differentiate verbal attacks born out of tough love to elicit excellent performance from mere loathing. (I don’t even like the way he tucks in his shirt). “Constructive criticism” indeed may be an oxymoron, a self-contradicting phrase like “working vacation.” Criticism in any form is meant to be destructive.

The only time criticism can be considered constructive is if it is explicitly solicited — do you think I should back out of the project?

Hiding behind tough love to deliver a disparaging attack on subordinates or peers is neither courageous nor honest. Why not just criticize and then leave it at that, without expecting a warm embrace afterwards? To make verbal punches feel like going to the gym (no pain, no gain) requires fancy footwork.

Still, there are clues when disparagement comes from a true desire to be helpful.

The tone of the censure can be teasing or merely ironic, maybe accompanied by a little finger-wagging — you’ve been a naughty boy. It can also be visceral and filled with invectives like the repetition of the word for a low IQ three times.

The attack may be isolated and specific to the action being denounced. It is the sin and not the sinner that is being singled out — although the two are inseparable at that point. The incident is not demonstrated in the context of past actions going all the way back to birth and parentage.

The self-proclaimed friend voicing out her negative opinion can speak in a low voice and not making a public scene — there’s snot hanging out of your left nostril, Dear.

Critics seldom take censure well themselves. They’re very liberal with putting down others publicly. But when it comes to taking even a mild rebuke, they can overreact with emotional outrage.

Tough bosses may pride themselves with having trained executives to take criticism and learn from their mistakes. (They are now CEOs themselves in bigger companies.)

Anyway, even tough bosses can show a warmer side. Even a single incident of uncharacteristic charity can stand out in the nostalgic get-togethers of former subordinates. Maybe, the SOB (those are his initials) secretly assisted financially with somebody’s hospitalization.

Constructive criticism as a management tool needs to be reviewed. It is possible to lead by showing the way and even extending a helping hand without delivering any disparaging remark — of course, you didn’t see the motorcycle swerving in front of you.

Anyway, there are now companies that take pride in being recognized as “the best place to work in.” Maybe the culture of praise and encouragement still has a place. An occasional reminder need not be harsh. (Are you sure you turned off the faucet?)

Correcting another person’s mistake can even be mentioned much later. The lessons from mistakes made can still be learned over drinks and cholesterol-laden snacks… definitely with less stress and resentment.