Don’t Drink And Write
By Vernon B. Sarne
If you haven’t been keeping tabs on the evolution of motor vehicles, you probably don’t know that we’re merely a few years away from actually seeing driverless cars bring people to their destinations. And when I say driverless, I mean fully autonomous. As in no human input in the vehicle operation — save perhaps for turning the power on and feeding some directional info so the car knows where it needs to go.
Obviously, there are several stages which automakers need to hurdle before their customers can get their hands on vehicles with full automation. As far as mass-market cars are concerned, we’re now on the level of electronic driving aids — tools that help make driving easier, safer and more convenient. These include the cruise control, the parking assist, the GPS navigation system, the lane-keeping monitor and the blind spot alert, among others. These constitute the first step toward autonomous driving. A Ford sedan, for example, is now able to parallel-park itself, although the driver still needs to operate the pedals and the gearshift. As these electronic and digital features evolve, we get closer and closer to being able to take our hands off the steering wheel and our foot off the throttle.
After this stage, the Society of Automotive Engineers in the US says cars will have partial automation, then conditional automation, then high automation, and finally full automation. The last one is the ultimate goal, where automobiles function and behave like they do in a Tom Cruise sci-fi movie: no human driver, no human assistance, no human recklessness.
And if you now think this scenario must still be decades from being completely realized, you can’t be any more removed from the facts, because car companies like BMW, Ford and Volvo are already citing 2021 as the year they will have self-driving cars on the highway. Japanese brands like Honda and Toyota have their timetable even earlier — in 2020, to be exact.
They’re most likely referring to the stages of conditional and high automation, which means that, yes, the cars will be able to drive themselves but only on specially designed pathways that are compatible with their advanced autonomous-driving technology. For instance, a thoroughfare needs to have universally recognizable signs that will prompt the vehicles to act in a certain way. Without uniformity and consistency, the cars might go bonkers. And now, imagine the enormity of the task just to modify all the streets and the expressways on the face of the earth.
Which is why I believe autonomous cars will be a slow roll-out, presumably commencing first in highly developed countries with excellent road networks and efficient traffic management systems. With these conditions in mind, self-driving vehicles may never see the light of day in the Philippines, where street signs and U-turn slots change with the frequency of a social-media influencer’s fake news output, and where traffic lights work only when the traffic marshals feel like switching them on.
But let’s say fully autonomous cars do eventually hit the roads of Metro Manila. How would they change our environment and the way we go about our daily affairs?
One, we will no longer see hotheaded cavemen throwing weak punches at each other after a stupid fender-bender. Road rage will be a thing of the past. There will be nothing to be upset about, because we’re not performing the driving.
Two, we will no longer have accidents (unless a car suffers a computer glitch and starts plowing into other vehicles). The cars will not weave in and out of lanes. They will not beat the red light. They will not go over the speed limit. They will not moronically insert themselves in impossibly small openings. And, perhaps most important, they will not drink alcohol.
Three, because we will have no accidents, we will no longer have to bring in our vehicles for costly repairs. Which the auto industry won’t like, but it is what it is.
Four, we will no longer have to insure our cars because there are no more risks involved in using one. Insurance companies will close, but millions of car owners will save money they can then spend on other things. Like a bigger life insurance policy.
Five, we will no longer have to deal with corrupt traffic officers. Because there probably won’t be any need for one in the first place. Self-driving cars, assuming they’re functioning the way they’re designed to, will never commit a traffic violation. And so, we will no longer have to encounter extortionists who hide behind trees and lampposts to victimize motorists.
Six, we will be able to catch up on our books or Netflix movies, something we can’t do if we’re driving the car ourselves. Better yet, we will be able to engage the spouse and the kids in a kinder and more gleeful manner because we won’t be seething in anger from all the idiotic driving humans would otherwise inflict on us.
Seven — and this one I particularly like — there will be no more politicians bullying their way through traffic. Their fully automated and artificially intelligent vehicles won’t let them. Come to think of it: Maybe then we’d be better off electing automobiles to Congress. I bet we’d have more sensible laws.
