Reality and change

What is important? The process of discovery takes time and effort. Happiness and abundance come from the values of creating, giving, and sharing.

We all have been subjected to a lifetime of social conditioning — on appearances and behavior. We have a false notion that we must live up to a certain standard to be “acceptable.” We have been saturated with images and ads that some people are practically brainwashed.

Consumerism is all about accumulating, obtaining the new, the best, and the “in” thing. The material fix from buying the latest gadget, status symbol, gem, car, is just a passing “high.” The novelty eventually wears off.

It takes depth and maturity to realize that one is not perfect and cannot have everything. People will not always love, appreciate, or approve of whatever we do. When we learn to accept certain things, it is possible to achieve a sense of serenity.

It is necessary to reassess and redefine the self and what one believes in.

We should not be influenced too much by what others say that we should believe in. They are entitled to their opinion. And we don’t have to follow or be pressured.

A sense of confidence is born of self-approval.

A process of sifting through the “doctrines” is necessary. There are old habits, notions, ways of thinking and doing that we have to unlearn or adjust. We must discard those that are no longer relevant. Only the essential values should be kept.

There is joy in giving rather than accumulating and obtaining. Contentment comes from creating and contributing.

The lesson here is gratitude for all the blessings, big and small, that millions of people do not have but wish they could have. Among them — a safe home, food, clean running water, medicines, schools. Above all, we have peace and freedom of choice and the opportunity to pursue our dreams.

Loving and caring of the self means avoiding self-destructive behavior and dysfunctional relationships. A balanced lifestyle, a nutritious diet with plenty of water, regular exercise. Fatigue drains the body and spirit. Laughter is healthy and invigorating. After working hard and solving stressful situations, one needs time off — to play and relax and dream.

Over the years, we learn how to love and how much to give. And when to stop giving and when to walk away.

Then, we must control the ego. Avoid trying to control everything and others.

We should acknowledge and diffuse destructive negative emotions such as anger, jealousy, envy, and resentment. We should cultivate humility. We should be able to say “I was wrong. I am sorry.”

We must forgive people, build bridges, and remove walls.

We should see people as they are and not project qualities that are nonexistent. Individuals grow, change, and evolve. Real love is one that is given freely without conditions or limitations.

One should stop looking for guarantees. Change happens slowly or suddenly. One must conquer fear and deal with the unexpected. Solitude does not mean being lonely. It is a joyful discovery — to spend time with oneself. It leads to a deepening spirituality, healing, and growth.

Maria Victoria Rufino is an artist, writer and businesswoman. She is president and executive producer of Maverick Productions.

mavrufino@gmail.com