By Tony Samson
MANAGEMENT seminars on leadership like to point out that leaders need to be “givers” not “takers.” Definitions of these seemingly too obvious terms are not provided, presumably too self-evident to require further elaboration. Suffice it to say that “givers” are the ones in the white hats. And who are the villains? It’s the takers who need to be either converted into givers or asked to ride out into the sunset. They can take their own horses.
One question on givers is what they are supposed to give. Is what they share something of value to the recipient? (You give me a headache.) Is someone who gives unsolicited opinions at the drop of a hat even on issues he is not even remotely involved with (office parties should include families) to be recognized as a giver?
On the other hand, is a taker to be automatically ostracized? What is he taking which he is not supposed to? Are order takers included in the group? (And is that a tall café latte’ for you with non-fat milk, Sir?) In the medical profession, taking is obligatory — I will take away your pain, my dear.
What is the role of a “giver” in an organization?
It is best to define the “gift” being given. Not everything presented to another for free is heartily accepted with thanks, even when offered with the sincerest of intentions. Leftover food (here take this home to your family) and bad reviews (your movie misses the point of the general’s life completely) surely invite mixed reactions, especially when these are not solicited. Okay, in the case of the food, there is only appreciation when the leftover in the doggie bag (note the contempt even in the designation of container) is seafood paella or the parts of a lechon, yes, even the ears.
Are takers in an organization to be shunned? It seems misdirected to marginalize this very aggressive set of people who are likely the ones growing the business with their predatory instincts of grabbing new business and barging through locked doors to escape a fire. Is an acquisitive attitude dysfunctional? Some management gurus would call this predatory spirit as focus: “eyes on the prize, guys.”
Perhaps, the best way to look at this binary approach of deciding to be either giver or taker is to consider having both traits, and applying each when appropriate. One can be both a giver and taker in varying situations.
Particular circumstances may require a shifting of roles from giver to taker and vice versa. Does hard bargaining in acquiring an asset favor the giver? (Sure, you can have the ground floor without a discount on your selling price.) Can a team-building session accommodate a taker? (Okay, I’m taking over the white board and all of you just shut up.)
Giving and taking are just two sides of a coin.
Even a habitual giver needs to occasionally stand up to takers (or other givers) and not succumb to bullying and being taken advantage of. It is possible for givers then to be pushed down to the lowest end of the food chain serving as snack food for sharks. There is a point where donor fatigue from giving constantly can be stressful. Selfishness is a survival skill. (Leave me alone.)
Social intercourse needs the yin and yang of give and take. A conversation needs two sides taking turns talking and listening. There can be no exchange of ideas when everybody just keeps nodding.
Being a good listener, which givers are advised to be, doesn’t mean keeping quiet the whole time, and letting the other person do all the talking. A monologue only works when a Shakespearean character delivers a soliloquy like Hamlet’s (to be or not to be). This long thought balloon is aimed at the audience, even if there are other characters on the stage, pretending to be reading. It lays out motive, observations, and what the character will do next — “to take arms against a sea of troubles, and by opposing end them.”
A conversation needs two sides to be a dialogue. Social interactions, like life, involve both giving and taking, hopefully leaning more on the generous side of an always unequal and often unfair contest.
Tony Samson is chairman and CEO, TOUCH xda
ar.samson@yahoo.com
